M turns 4!

The superhero is now 4 years old! I'm so glad to finally say that because, believe me, I wasn't sure a few days before if he'd be turning 4 or going back to 2!

The Superhero party went awesome and I have to say the cupcake "cake" from Wallyworld was a big hit!

He had to make a poster for school for his birthday that was all about him.....

Favorite color: orange

Favorite food: chicken (rotisserie, not nuggets...he's very specific)

Favorite place: Chuck E. Cheese's

Favorite thing to do: ride my Razor scooter

When I grow up: I want to be a superhero like Aang the Last Airbender

If I had a wish: I'd wish to meet Bruce Lee

Bruce Lee is M's new obsession which I think is pretty cool. He's always so focused on superheros and guys who are big and strong but all are fictional. This time it's a real person and it is interesting to see M's reaction when he asks people if they know about Bruce Lee. Most people know about him but some don't. Either way they all get an ear full about Bruce Lee and how he's a real live superhero and is in the movies but he died and we can't see him anymore only in the movies and he's really cool and really fast and fights people like this...(and then you see M do his best martial arts impression)

So a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my buddy! I can't wait to see what age 4 brings, I'm just happy to be done with age 3! :)

On my soapbox: Empathy

As described by Webster's Dictionary:

Empathy: 1) the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be inused with it

2) the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicitmanner; also : the capacity for this

I always try to remind myself and my kids that "we're all in this together." It seems to me that lately along with the boom of "Consumerism" there has been a loss of "Empathy"

I have noticed this more and more with new parents especially. There's always something out there to buy to make your child

.....sleep better.....eat better......behave better......learn better......basically to keep your baby quiet and teach him/her to be self sufficient as soon as possible so you can go on with your life as it was before.

This to me goes back to the loss of empathy in our society. Instead of having empathy for this baby that doesn't understand why Mommy won't pick him up when he's crying, Mommy learns to go against pretty much every cell in her body and listen to the advice of a man named Ferber. I am all for self soothing and yes, it is a skill babies and children need to develop but along the lines of empathy is the innate sense to belong. This is so important for babies and if they are taught from early on that they can cry and cry and no one comes to their aid is it possibly they feel they don't belong? It's possible, I don't know, but it makes sense to me. It has been proven, though, that crying for long periods of time in babies raises their cortisol levels way too high. Cortisol, if you don't know, is a stress hormone. Really?? Do we really want our babies to be stressed out at 6 months old?? Let's give them a few more years before that happens!

I recently read an article against Attachment Parenting and the inconveniences of many AP practices or I think she described them as the chains/shackles that a mother wears. I have been fortunate enough with raising 4 children to try out many different approaches to parenting. My conclusion? Empathy. When you have a child, please try look at the world through their eyes. Please try to be aware of/be sensitive to/understand their feelings. Be a team, coach, assist your babies and children through life. Breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering goes against consumerism and thus is seen as foreign in our society. The loss of these so called AP practices (I call them raising a baby) has also allowed our society to lose the connection with our babies and children, the empathy. It has forced us to stress about what new gadget to get, what formula is best, to stress ourselves and babies out when we let them cry on and on for no reason. How is it that only in the past 200 years or so that we have thrown away all the tried and true methods mothers and mother nature has given us? Breastfeeding is tough in a society that doesn't support it, baby wearing is confusing when government is trying to regulate it, cloth diapering is overwhelming in a society when you need to buy, buy, buy and throw away anything dirty even if it can be washed off.

I'm subject to it, I admit that I buy too much and throw away too much. I'm trying harder and harder each day to do something to benefit the world. On my fridge is a magnet with a wonderful quote by Emerson. "To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch.....to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" I try to read it every time I open the fridge to remind me what it means to succeed.

Again, like I tell my kids, "We're all in this together" This applies to our family and to people we know or don't know. Everyone has a story and most everyone has a reason for doing something a certain way. Not that empathy will solve all the world's problems but hopefully it will help curb some of the rage and feeling of entitlement that is unnecessary in our society. Before complaining about something/someone or acting rashly take a second to think about the other person. You are not any more entitled than they are! We are all in it together!

Now I'm going to go breastfeed my 8 month old then strap her on my back so I can remind my 5 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old that we're in this together and they need to help clean up the mess they made while I was writing this. Oh, and to remind myself of the other piece of advice I always pass on to new parents.....Breathe!

H, M and MAVA

We are well into our school year for H and M and really happy with our choices. M is going to "Federated" in town and H is enrolled in the first ever Massachusetts Virtual Academy (MAVA). M is so happy to be in school even though he informed us after his first day that he "had a great day at school and he's all done, he's learned everything he needs to know and doesn't have to go back again." He was pretty disappointed to find out he was going every Tues. and Thurs. until summer. Now he's made lots of friends and absolutely loves his school, teachers and new friends!

I think Preschool/Nursery School is important. Having the kids go to school 2-3 days a week and experiencing a fun, relaxed learning environment is very important. Honor was in Preschool for a while and after her school moved we decided to keep her home and join a group of homeschooling moms. This was a choice to 1) save money and 2) get more involved in what and how she was learning. I'm so grateful to my homeschool co-op moms and families. We have such an awesome time together and it's so fantastic to have the kids learn and play each week.

So when August came around we were getting ready to send H to all day Kindergarten. She was excited, I was excited, we went to meet her teacher earlier in the summer, we knew what number bus she was going to take to school. Then about a week before school was going to start Darren got an email from a homeschool curriculum called K12 announcing they partnered with a public school in Mass. (just as they have in many other states) and were offering MAVA for grades k-8. After a quick discussion about this amazing opportunity we decided to apply. For us the pros out weigh the cons of doing school at home. MAVA is very firm on the fact that this is school at home, not home schooling. It is still a Mass. public school, H has a teacher, the curriculum is laid out for us and I am considered her "Learning Coach." She is still subject to all the standardized testing that she would have if in a "brick and mortar" school.

Pros:

Being involved in H's education

Having an amazingly diverse curriculum available at our fingertips

Not worrying if Art, Music, Science, etc will be cut from the curriculum

Spending as much or as little time on a lesson as she needs, not her classmates

Not worrying about the new illness spreading through the school

Not having my life run by the bus schedule

Not having to worry about what to pack for lunch

Not having to buy school supplies

Not having H experience situations that she might not be ready for

Not having to worry if she's being bullied or being a bully

I could go on and on I'm sure but those are the ones on the top of my list

Cons:

Scheduling

Easily being overwhelmed

Not giving H the traditional school experience

I'm not going to put the fact that she's not getting the socialization at home as she would in school on the list because I don't believe that's a factor. I've gotten the question....."Why homeschool? Just to keep her home with you?" Nope, if I could find a comparable curriculum in a school nearby that could accomplish in a day what I do as a "Learning Coach" and was free I would send her there! Since that's not a choice we'll settle for MAVA!

It's definitely not for everyone, it's a huge commitment! I'm definitely attracted to the thought of being able to put her on a bus at 8am and not worry about her until I need to get her off the bus at 3p. But then I think that's an awful long time for a 5 year old to be gone! Then being able to squeeze all those hours into about 2-3 hours throughout the day pushes that previous thought right out of my head! Then on the other side of the coin I'm very attracted to unschooling and letting H determine what she wants to learn about. Luckily we are still able to do this to a point and our homeschool co-op mommas also help the free flowing ideas and fluid learning still happen each week.

I love that we have control over the schedule with MAVA also. I can pick vacation days, I can choose to do lessons on the weekend, I can decide what days to learn which subjects and how many lessons to do on that day. It has worked out amazingly well for us! We do all the week's Math lessons on Monday, the week's worth of Language Arts on Tuesday, Science on Wednesday, Phonics on Thursday and History and Social Studies on Friday. Art, P.E. and Music are scattered throughout the week which is fun since the boys love to get involved with those too.

Overall it's been a huge adjustment but then again, it hasn't. Scheduling is the biggest issue and I know the lessons will get more involved the older she gets but one of the things that I LOVE not having to deal with is......HOMEWORK!

Just another night.

Again, I'm apologizing (mostly to myself) for not posting anything for a while. It's quiet moments like right now at night that I sit and think of all the things I could and should be doing. I could be doing laundry, dishes, reading, working on my CBE class, starting all the craft projects that are stuck in my head, blogging, take a shower in peace and have a chance to shave my legs, the list can seriously go on forever.

But honestly while Darren's up stairs putting the "big kids" to bed I sit down in the living room nursing Baby D in the quiet stillness. I can hear some sort of commotion upstairs but I'm pretty confident he can handle it. I know nights like these won't last much longer. D's almost 8 months now and I know in the next few months we will be heading towards another shift in the bedtime routine.

So for tonight I'm just going to relish in the stillness of the night with my Baby D just like every other night. But tomorrow I will start catching up on all the happenings, mostly so in the future I don't forget about what we've been doing! First thing is H and Kindergarten and reasons why we chose to do "school at home."

Six Flags 2010

We took the trip down to Six Flags New England in Springfield this past Tuesday. I was really looking forward to seeing Thorin take a ride in Thomas and see the Wiggles but I was slightly surprised that the highlight was getting super hero capes and seeing The Joker, Cheetah (arch-nemesis of Wonder Woman for those who weren't sure), Flash and The Green Lantern.

We started out at Thomas Town and I don't think Thorin was able to absorb it all. We went for a ride with Thomas, Bertie the bus and on Harold the Helicopter. We moved on to Wiggles World where we caught a show with Dorothy the Dinosaur and Wags the Dog. Honor and Mikey thought it was pretty cool but again I don't think Thorin had time to absorb all the coolness and fun that was surrounding him :) It was awesome to see the three kids going on rides together without me or Darren and having fun.

We then moved onto the DC Comic area to have lunch at Johnny Rockets which worked out really well. We bought all our tickets, parking and meals online so I just needed to show the paper and got our family meal of burgers, fries and onion rings. I don't know if it's because it was an online order but the food came out much, much faster than the chicken strips that I added on and the meals that other people were waiting for. I ended up waiting probably 10 minutes extra for the chicken. I think next time I'll just buy everything online.

After lunch we were reminded for the millionth time by Mikey that we needed to find the superheros. Because we were in the DC Comics area we figured we'd see them there but nope....they were on the other side of the park. We also found out that the park keeps their Heros and Villains separate so there's no fights. As we headed to the water park we happened upon the tent where the villains would be but at the time it was Scooby and Scrappy Doo, not to exciting for our group so we moved on.

The water park was awesome! Honor and Mikey really had a great time and I think next time we should go with friends and rent a cabana! It's great that they have so many life guards and also make everyone take "safety breaks" so no one gets too tired from playing in the water too much. Another thing that made the waterpark awesome was they have a ton of life-jackets just hanging on coat racks everywhere around the park so if someone needs one you just grab it, put it on and head for the water.

After the water park we headed back thinking it was time to go home but on the way by the tent where Scooby was we now saw Joker and Cheetah were posing for pictures. Honor got on her cape (Mikey didn't have one yet) and the two of them posed with the Villains. It was such a great picture I had to buy it! And now we were on the hunt for the Heros because the day wouldn't have been complete if Mikey didn't see at least one Superhero.

Of course we had to get Mikey a Superman cape and got Thorin a Batman one and headed on our way to find some superheros. We stopped at the Houdini ride which was cool but not for anyone who gets motion sickness! Honor had a rough time but just closed her eyes and made it through. While Mimi, Delaney and I took a rest Darren took Honor, Mikey and Thorin to find the elusive heros. A few minutes Mikey came running up the hill looking very excited....he saw Flash and the Green Lantern!! Darren gave me the ticket for the picture and told me I had to go check it out. Of course it was another keeper and a great end to the day.

Thanks to Mimi for getting the tickets, we'll definitely be back!

Thorin is 2!

He's just a little tiny bit obsessed. This was the picture I took for his card that I sent to "Sprout" for his birthday. The kids were so excited that the card made it onto "The Sunny Side Up Show" we recorded it and showed it to everyone who came through the front door. Very exciting except they pronounced Delaney's name Delancey and it really, really bugged Honor...oh well.

Elmo made an appearance at the party, amazingly he only terrified one of the kids. I'm not too Thorin's completely thrilled to see him either, he seems a bit unsure here.

We rented a bouncy house from Magic World in Shrewsbury and since we picked the "Elmo" one they gave us the costume for free. Pretty good deal and couldn't pass up the opportunity to make some poor soul (in this case Darren) put on a costume and terrorize the children.

Overall it was a fantastic party. It rained most of the day but cleared up just long enough for the kids to eat cotton candy (we rented a cotton candy machine too), have some cake and go jump in the bouncy house. I can't thank our friend, Mike, enough for coming equiped with balloon animals to keep the kids excited and entertained while it was raining. Also our friend, Andrea, made an unbelievable Thomas the Tank Engine cake.....it was perfect and oh, so delicious!Great food, Great friends and Great fun sums up Thorin's Carnival! Happy #2 "Big Guy!"

Thorin starts Early Intervention

So it never occurred to me that Thorin was delayed in any way until we went to his 18 month appointment. When his pedi asked if he had 20 or more words or can say 2 word "sentences" it hit me.....nope! Was he supposed to? You forget what milestones come at what time and also I've learned that every child is different so I figured he's just a "late-bloomer."

Now, though, it's gotten to the point that we're frustrated with him not being able to tell us when something bothers him or telling us what he wants. He is also getting very frustrated with not being able to tell us and this often results in him crying, screaming and having full on tantrums.

We were contacted by Early Intervention letting us know that they were going to come out and evaluate Thorin and that he had to have a significant delay for them to accept him into the program. A speech therapist, a child psychologist and child development specialist came to "play" with Thorin back in May and were impressed with him in every area but expressive speech. He scored on target or above target for motor skills (gross and fine) and comprehension but for expressive speech he scored at an 8 month level. That definitely was a huge delay and he was accepted into the program with no questions.

Since he started the program we've had a speech therapist come every week to the house and work with him. We also go to group sessions every week for him to play with kids his age who also have speech issues. This has really been a big help with introducing sign language and reinforcing the use of signing. It's helped him realize he can use his hands to get his point across and slightly eased the frustration level.

He's made slight progress with speech and we are still not sure the root of the problem. We have been referred to an Occupational Therapist, a doctor who specializes in Child Development and an audiologist at UMASS. We still have yet to have his hearing thoroughly tested but have been told by many specialist that this needs to happen. He obviously can hear but the question is whether he is hearing everything. I have wondered this a little bit lately since it almost seems the noises and words he says sometimes reminds me of how a deaf person talks, just slightly off because that's how they hear it.

The other possibility is he has something called "Apraxia." This is where the speech center in the brain is disconnected from the motor center of the brain. So the brain knows what it wants to say but doesn't know how to say it. If this is the issue he'll just need to figure out another way to train his brain to make the sounds he wants. This will result in him having to really think about what he wants to say and how to say it and a lot of patience on our part.

The strange part of all this is he doesn't use the left side of his mouth very much. The OT had come to see him last week to check him out and make sure there weren't other issues going on with him. She concluded what everyone else has, that he's on target or above the target age for motor skills and that there is no left sided weakness anywhere on his body except his mouth. She suggested that we do anything we can to stimulate his left side....electric toothbrush on the inside and outside of his cheek, warm and cold washcloths, putting crackers on his left side so he's forced to chew on that side or use his tongue to get it over to the right. He's really taken to the electric toothbrush because of course I went out and got him a Thomas the Tank Engine one which he calls "Mroom Mroom." He's also started to make a few more sounds that use the tongue, especially "lalalalalalala"

After today's session his therapist proposed we have her come twice a week. Thorin's been making progress but it has been pretty slow. So this means now 3x's a week we'll be doing some sort of therapy with him and hopefully it will make more of a difference. We also may have to bring him to Waltham to a program run by Boston's Childrens Hospital which does more intensive therapy with children who have significant speech delays and also apraxia. At the end of July we will finally have his hearing checked and that will hopefully give us more answers or at least cross another thing off the list.

Delaney's Birth Story

I've been sitting here for the past few minutes trying to figure out how to start this story. I don't want to be one of those women who talks about their horrible birth story, dwelling on the bad, on the "could-haves" and "should-haves." I'm putting this on the blog for myself, for those who are curious, for those who have been through something similar. I want to be able to look back in the future and remember those parts of her birth that mothers simply forget. I'm already starting to forget so I better get this going!

I should start on March 6th when I went to Labor and Delivery at St. Vincent's because I wasn't feeling right and had been having lots of pressure. I also had scared myself by using my doppler earlier that day to check on our baby girl and noticed a skip in her heartbeat. After getting there and being hooked up to the monitors they heard the skipping but said it was fine...abnormalities like that usually fix themselves. I was having contractions but nothing regular and was only about 2 cm. The doctor also said the baby's head was no in position, she was still pretty high. But the bigger problem now was my blood pressure. It had been so good throughout the pregnancy but now was starting to creep up. They made me stay overnight to do a 24 hour urine and blood tests to make sure it wasn't preeclampsia. All tests turned out normal and I was discharged on Sunday told to take it easy but put on Aldomet to bring the bp down.

The next week (and also weeks prior) I had a ton of help from my mom and Darren with the kids and household stuff. I took it easy but by Sunday the 14th contractions started coming every 3-5 minutes but for some reason I didn't feel it was time to go. Even when Darren seemed to get a bit worried I remember saying "If this was any of the other pregnancies we would've been at the hospital by now." I don't know if it was me being more relaxed, I've already been through labor before and know what to expect! I didn't feel pressure and uncomfortable in the right places but didn't think anything was wrong, just that it wasn't time yet. We had already decided we weren't going to have a homebirth at this point because she was most likely coming early, but also with the blood pressure issues and uncertainty I was feeling we set off to the hospital that afternoon.

I spent the day being monitored and checked to see how I was progressing. Because I was only 35 weeks and 6 days at this point they couldn't help my labor along but also wouldn't do anything to stop it. The doctor kept saying the baby's head was still high and I was only about 3 cm so they let me get up and move around, even take a walk around L&D. I had asked at all my prenatal appointments since about 32 weeks if the baby was head down and the doctors and midwives I had seen all told me yes, that she was indeed head down. So of course at this point I thought there was nothing to worry about that I just needed to work on telling my body to get her where she needs to be if she was ready to come out.

The contractions had slowed down, they were almost non existent by Monday morning. The doctor came in again to check me and found that I was 5 cm, the bag of water was bulging and baby's head was still very high. He decided it was ok to discharge me since they couldn't break my water, my contractions had stopped and she wasn't in position. Once we started heading home the contractions started again and were getting stronger, all I kept saying to myself was please don't let my water break in the car! That's a mess I wouldn't want to clean up!! So we made it home and I was progressing further and further into "transition." I am very familiar with the panic, doubtful feeling of not being able to handle this, and the thought of losing control when getting into active labor. Darren will tell you this is also the point that I get very quiet and almost meditative and need my birth ball! When we got home, I had to get down on my knees and half lay on the ball because the pressure on my hips and back was almost unbearable. I had Darren put pressure, a lot of pressure, on the small of my back and this worked for a while until he needed to take a potty break. Figures this was the pressure wave that did the trick! My water broke (first time that it had broken on it's own!) and it wasn't a trickle, it was a full on waterfall of fluid which surprised me. I figured there was so much fluid because her head was still high so there was no "plug" to stop or slow it down. I yelled to Darren that I needed him RIGHT NOW and bring towels, lots of towels! He then got on the phone to call Mimie so we could head back to the hospital about 2 hours after we had been discharged.

Now back at the hospital the midwife on call, Marianne Pelletier, checked me and was the first person to question if what she was feeling was actually a head. At this point I don't remember how dilated I was all I heard was that they needed to get the ultrasound machine in here and find out what position the baby was in. Marianne started looking on the screen and moving the probe around my belly. Nothing we saw on the screen looked anything like a head. I remember seeing her spine which was horizontal but it didn't sink in at that point. Marianne was having so much trouble she asked the nurse to go get the doctor on call. Dr. Nabizadeh came in, searched around for a minute and found out the head of our baby was nestled comfortably next to the placenta on my right side and her feet were all the way over on my left and her shoulder was what all the doctors had thought was her head. Yup, that's right....she was sideways! Immediately the doctor said she would try to flip the baby but there was only a slim chance this would work. I was praying and telling my body and the baby to please let this work! I did not want to face the consequence of her being sideways. There was hardly any fluid left to help cushion her and because her head was against the placenta like a pillow it would be tough to move her. It didn't work. I thank Dr. Nabizadeh for giving it her best try and for taking the time to sit and talk to us after letting me have a few minutes of bawling my eyes out. So we were left with only 1 option, a c-section.

Everyone who knows me knows that this has always been my biggest fear, to have to deliver one of my babies by c-section. It's such an amazing experience to birth your child in control, full of feeling and natural highs that your body intended. After going through an epidural with my first and having headaches, pain from a very large tear because of pushing too hard and pelvic pain from being in a bad position while pushing with no sensation, I knew the least amount of interventions was the best way to give birth. Believing in your body and the process of birthing the most amazing experience a woman can experience and have as her own. I think natural birth is incredible and an experience that belongs to the mother and baby, it's such an intimate moment that no other person can understand because it belong to you and only you. Amazing! Oh, and recovery time....maybe a day or 2!

Now comes the details of my experience. I feel so thankful and blessed that things seemed to fall into place on Monday March 15th. The "what-ifs" and the "could-haves" and "should-haves" have their place looking back but thanks to Marianne and Dr. Nabizadeh our baby girl is healthy and I'm still in one piece. For those who don't want to read all the details I'll leave lots of space so you don't have to read things that could be disturbing to you.

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We had to wait until 5pm on Monday to have the c-section because that morning I ate a breakfast sandwich on our way home from being discharged. The anesthesiologist was being overly cautious and wanted to hold off for 8 hours from when I ate just in case I needed general anesthesia. This would turn out to be a good idea on his part. Also L&D was packed and all but 2 moms were jockeying for position to have their c-sections too. I was still progressing, contractions were still very strong but spaced out. The doctors and nurses didn't know this because the contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. By the time 5:oo came around I was already 10 cm, fully effaced (which finally seemed to concern the nurses) and my body probably would've been trying to push her out involuntarily very soon. I'd experienced that with Thorin, I let my body decide when to push and it came to a point when I could no longer stay in control and my body took over. Good thing because it;s tough to get a baby out shoulder first!

I was wheeled into the OR without Darren, scared to death, shaking and freezing cold. Everything goes so quick once in there. I was moved over to the operating table, sat up and they started injecting the lidocaine and then the spinal medicine that numbs from the chest down. It really does take effect almost immediately, within seconds I could feel nothing below my chest and my whole body felt warm like floating in a warm tub of water. The blue shroud was put up so I couldn't see anything and finally Darren came in. They started making the incision and I really don't remember feeling much pressure as they were moving her around trying to get her out. I know they were pushing and pulling really hard because I had the sense of my body being rocked and pulled as they were trying to get her out. We had previously asked to delay the cord clamping to give her the best chance of not going to the NICU and they said they would as long as everything went fine. Well, nothing went fine. Once Dr. Nabizadeh got to the baby she found the cord was wrapped around her neck, body, arm and shoulder. Her poor little shoulder and arm was very bruised and swollen from being squeezed by the cord that they were afraid it was dislocated or broken. Luckily after an x-ray the next day we found out it was fine. I don't remember hearing her cry but I'm pretty sure I must have because I do remember tearing up and hearing them say she was born at 5:19pm and she was 5 lbs 13 oz.

I remember my chest feeling very heavy at this point and having to remind myself to breathe. The anesthesiologist asked me how I was doing, if I was ok and I nodded my head because I WAS ok....my daughter was born, she was over 5 lbs, breathing on her own and doing well. I remember him asking Dr. Nabizadeh how much longer. "About 5 minutes," she said. Just as she said that I began regaining feeling, the spinal was wearing off! Come to find out they had not even finished stitching up my uterus yet. I was beginning to feel everything! I can't even begin to explain all the extremely painful sensations I was feeling. I thought if it was only a few minutes I could handle this. I knew they couldn't give me another spinal and the next step was general anesthesia and I'd have to be intubated. I tried to endure the blinding, mind-numbing pain as long as possible, I have no idea how long it really was. They gave me a dose of fentanyl which dulled the pain for a bit and I heard them call for 2 units of blood. They also called in another surgeon. They gave me another dose of fentanyl and heard the doctor saying that each time she went to stitch my uterus it would tear and bleed....a lot. Now things were getting so unbearable for me and I knew the anesthesiologist saw it in my face. He told me they were going to put me under and I nodded with tears in my eyes not knowing what would happen next but there would be no pain. They asked Darren to leave as they put the mask on my face. I remember in that minute before I passed out I was thinking I was going to need a blood transfusion and might wake up to find they couldn't save my uterus. I've never been under general anesthesia before and couldn't believe how quick everything seemed. Seconds after they put the mask on me I remember nothing and it felt like not even a moment later I was waking up and they were wheeling me back to the room.

Not until I saw Darren did I find out I was in the OR for about 2 hours! They needed 2 surgeons working on each end to stitch me up because the way my uterus had not stretched correctly. I had 6 layers of sutures instead of the 1 or maybe 2 layers for a normal c-section. Dr. Nabizedah had equated stitching me up to stitching up a hamburger! I was apparently a very interesting case. I didn't end up needing any blood although I kind of wish I did. I had lost significant amount but my blood work came back ok. I think I would have felt better in the next few hours/days if I had gotten at least 1 unit. But of course hind sight is 20/20 right?

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I don't remember much of the next 24 hours. I do remember really, really liking the button that made the pain go away. Darren was trying to be a helpful husband and hit my button when I was too delirious to remember until the pain reminded me really fast! One of the nurses caught him with my button and she made sure he never touched that button again. I thought it was very helpful having him pay attention to my button but now it was all up to me.

I felt like such a bad mom not asking about our baby, I don't know how long it was before I asked but Darren said she was doing great! I'm also not sure how long before I got to see her but when I did I couldn't believe how perfect she was! So tiny but so amazingly perfect. I try not to think of all the things that could have gone wrong or could have gone differently during this pregnancy and birth. I'm just amazed every day how blessed we are and how thankful I am for all my babies no matter how they made it into the world.

Now for the name....it was Darren's turn to name the baby. I just knew I wanted Maisey and Evelyn in there somewhere for Darren's Aunt Maizie and my grandmother. Darren used an astrological chart (I forget the name of it) that tells what letters a child's name should contain depending on birth day and time. The chart stated her name should begin with "Di" or "De." We spent probably a day and a half thinking of names since none of the ones we had picked before were right for her. Then a name popped in my head that seemed right....Delaney. Perfect! Darren loved it and it really does fit her so well.

So there it is, how Delaney Maisey Evelyn Selador Slocum made her entrance into this world!

Thorin + electric toothbrush

Delaney just didn't want to wake up this morning

the rain is finally letting up at silver lake dam

"Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." – Albert Einstein

The crew - http://ping.fm/zdx0v

Announcing Delaney Maisey Evelyn Selador Slocum http://ping.fm/VqPLM

heading into the or