On my soapbox: Empathy

As described by Webster's Dictionary:

Empathy: 1) the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be inused with it

2) the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicitmanner; also : the capacity for this

I always try to remind myself and my kids that "we're all in this together." It seems to me that lately along with the boom of "Consumerism" there has been a loss of "Empathy"

I have noticed this more and more with new parents especially. There's always something out there to buy to make your child

.....sleep better.....eat better......behave better......learn better......basically to keep your baby quiet and teach him/her to be self sufficient as soon as possible so you can go on with your life as it was before.

This to me goes back to the loss of empathy in our society. Instead of having empathy for this baby that doesn't understand why Mommy won't pick him up when he's crying, Mommy learns to go against pretty much every cell in her body and listen to the advice of a man named Ferber. I am all for self soothing and yes, it is a skill babies and children need to develop but along the lines of empathy is the innate sense to belong. This is so important for babies and if they are taught from early on that they can cry and cry and no one comes to their aid is it possibly they feel they don't belong? It's possible, I don't know, but it makes sense to me. It has been proven, though, that crying for long periods of time in babies raises their cortisol levels way too high. Cortisol, if you don't know, is a stress hormone. Really?? Do we really want our babies to be stressed out at 6 months old?? Let's give them a few more years before that happens!

I recently read an article against Attachment Parenting and the inconveniences of many AP practices or I think she described them as the chains/shackles that a mother wears. I have been fortunate enough with raising 4 children to try out many different approaches to parenting. My conclusion? Empathy. When you have a child, please try look at the world through their eyes. Please try to be aware of/be sensitive to/understand their feelings. Be a team, coach, assist your babies and children through life. Breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cloth diapering goes against consumerism and thus is seen as foreign in our society. The loss of these so called AP practices (I call them raising a baby) has also allowed our society to lose the connection with our babies and children, the empathy. It has forced us to stress about what new gadget to get, what formula is best, to stress ourselves and babies out when we let them cry on and on for no reason. How is it that only in the past 200 years or so that we have thrown away all the tried and true methods mothers and mother nature has given us? Breastfeeding is tough in a society that doesn't support it, baby wearing is confusing when government is trying to regulate it, cloth diapering is overwhelming in a society when you need to buy, buy, buy and throw away anything dirty even if it can be washed off.

I'm subject to it, I admit that I buy too much and throw away too much. I'm trying harder and harder each day to do something to benefit the world. On my fridge is a magnet with a wonderful quote by Emerson. "To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch.....to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" I try to read it every time I open the fridge to remind me what it means to succeed.

Again, like I tell my kids, "We're all in this together" This applies to our family and to people we know or don't know. Everyone has a story and most everyone has a reason for doing something a certain way. Not that empathy will solve all the world's problems but hopefully it will help curb some of the rage and feeling of entitlement that is unnecessary in our society. Before complaining about something/someone or acting rashly take a second to think about the other person. You are not any more entitled than they are! We are all in it together!

Now I'm going to go breastfeed my 8 month old then strap her on my back so I can remind my 5 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old that we're in this together and they need to help clean up the mess they made while I was writing this. Oh, and to remind myself of the other piece of advice I always pass on to new parents.....Breathe!

H, M and MAVA

We are well into our school year for H and M and really happy with our choices. M is going to "Federated" in town and H is enrolled in the first ever Massachusetts Virtual Academy (MAVA). M is so happy to be in school even though he informed us after his first day that he "had a great day at school and he's all done, he's learned everything he needs to know and doesn't have to go back again." He was pretty disappointed to find out he was going every Tues. and Thurs. until summer. Now he's made lots of friends and absolutely loves his school, teachers and new friends!

I think Preschool/Nursery School is important. Having the kids go to school 2-3 days a week and experiencing a fun, relaxed learning environment is very important. Honor was in Preschool for a while and after her school moved we decided to keep her home and join a group of homeschooling moms. This was a choice to 1) save money and 2) get more involved in what and how she was learning. I'm so grateful to my homeschool co-op moms and families. We have such an awesome time together and it's so fantastic to have the kids learn and play each week.

So when August came around we were getting ready to send H to all day Kindergarten. She was excited, I was excited, we went to meet her teacher earlier in the summer, we knew what number bus she was going to take to school. Then about a week before school was going to start Darren got an email from a homeschool curriculum called K12 announcing they partnered with a public school in Mass. (just as they have in many other states) and were offering MAVA for grades k-8. After a quick discussion about this amazing opportunity we decided to apply. For us the pros out weigh the cons of doing school at home. MAVA is very firm on the fact that this is school at home, not home schooling. It is still a Mass. public school, H has a teacher, the curriculum is laid out for us and I am considered her "Learning Coach." She is still subject to all the standardized testing that she would have if in a "brick and mortar" school.

Pros:

Being involved in H's education

Having an amazingly diverse curriculum available at our fingertips

Not worrying if Art, Music, Science, etc will be cut from the curriculum

Spending as much or as little time on a lesson as she needs, not her classmates

Not worrying about the new illness spreading through the school

Not having my life run by the bus schedule

Not having to worry about what to pack for lunch

Not having to buy school supplies

Not having H experience situations that she might not be ready for

Not having to worry if she's being bullied or being a bully

I could go on and on I'm sure but those are the ones on the top of my list

Cons:

Scheduling

Easily being overwhelmed

Not giving H the traditional school experience

I'm not going to put the fact that she's not getting the socialization at home as she would in school on the list because I don't believe that's a factor. I've gotten the question....."Why homeschool? Just to keep her home with you?" Nope, if I could find a comparable curriculum in a school nearby that could accomplish in a day what I do as a "Learning Coach" and was free I would send her there! Since that's not a choice we'll settle for MAVA!

It's definitely not for everyone, it's a huge commitment! I'm definitely attracted to the thought of being able to put her on a bus at 8am and not worry about her until I need to get her off the bus at 3p. But then I think that's an awful long time for a 5 year old to be gone! Then being able to squeeze all those hours into about 2-3 hours throughout the day pushes that previous thought right out of my head! Then on the other side of the coin I'm very attracted to unschooling and letting H determine what she wants to learn about. Luckily we are still able to do this to a point and our homeschool co-op mommas also help the free flowing ideas and fluid learning still happen each week.

I love that we have control over the schedule with MAVA also. I can pick vacation days, I can choose to do lessons on the weekend, I can decide what days to learn which subjects and how many lessons to do on that day. It has worked out amazingly well for us! We do all the week's Math lessons on Monday, the week's worth of Language Arts on Tuesday, Science on Wednesday, Phonics on Thursday and History and Social Studies on Friday. Art, P.E. and Music are scattered throughout the week which is fun since the boys love to get involved with those too.

Overall it's been a huge adjustment but then again, it hasn't. Scheduling is the biggest issue and I know the lessons will get more involved the older she gets but one of the things that I LOVE not having to deal with is......HOMEWORK!

Just another night.

Again, I'm apologizing (mostly to myself) for not posting anything for a while. It's quiet moments like right now at night that I sit and think of all the things I could and should be doing. I could be doing laundry, dishes, reading, working on my CBE class, starting all the craft projects that are stuck in my head, blogging, take a shower in peace and have a chance to shave my legs, the list can seriously go on forever.

But honestly while Darren's up stairs putting the "big kids" to bed I sit down in the living room nursing Baby D in the quiet stillness. I can hear some sort of commotion upstairs but I'm pretty confident he can handle it. I know nights like these won't last much longer. D's almost 8 months now and I know in the next few months we will be heading towards another shift in the bedtime routine.

So for tonight I'm just going to relish in the stillness of the night with my Baby D just like every other night. But tomorrow I will start catching up on all the happenings, mostly so in the future I don't forget about what we've been doing! First thing is H and Kindergarten and reasons why we chose to do "school at home."