Trying to sort through the emotions

Most of you already know but I'm sure there are many out there who have not heard the news yet. We just found out on May 22 that we lost the baby. We went for the ultrasound at 1:40pm on Friday after meeting with our midwife the night before. She could not find the heart beat with her doppler just as I had been having a hard time for about 2-3 weeks so she scheduled an ultrasound for us. I had a feeling things weren't right but thought maybe the baby's hiding or it's measuring small and that's why I don't feel anything. I should have been 17 weeks at this point but found out at the ultrasound that the baby only measured 13 weeks 5 days.
There are so many questions that run through your head at this point...could I have done more? If I only scheduled an ultrasound when I first thought something might be wrong. Did I eat or drink something that caused some harm? Was I taking enough vitamins? Was I taking too many vitamins? Is the well water at the new house safe? Is there some underlying illness that caused it? When I had my kidney infection could that have done some damage?
Who knows. The fact that the baby was so perfect on the ultrasound, lying there so still with a perfect little head and tiny little hands and feet broke my heart and I know Darren felt the same way. Why after 3 perfect babies and relatively uncomplicated pregnancies and births did this happen?
I think Darren and I have accepted the outcome and are sort of glad that it happened at this point in the pregnancy. I'm not looking forward to the next step since my body has not taken care of things on it's own. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I was further along.
All I can say at this point is we're going to try again and I'm going to take much better care of myself and family and not take anything for granted. Right now I feel like my body's been chewed up by a hippo (aches and cramps rather than sharp pains if it was a mountain lion) and hung up on a clothes line for days. But as soon as things regulate and I start to feel more normal I'm going to work to make things better for me and those around me. I never want to have to go through this again!
Thank you so much to all that have sent well wishes, thoughts and prayers to us. It means more than you know!