Six Flags 2010

We took the trip down to Six Flags New England in Springfield this past Tuesday. I was really looking forward to seeing Thorin take a ride in Thomas and see the Wiggles but I was slightly surprised that the highlight was getting super hero capes and seeing The Joker, Cheetah (arch-nemesis of Wonder Woman for those who weren't sure), Flash and The Green Lantern.

We started out at Thomas Town and I don't think Thorin was able to absorb it all. We went for a ride with Thomas, Bertie the bus and on Harold the Helicopter. We moved on to Wiggles World where we caught a show with Dorothy the Dinosaur and Wags the Dog. Honor and Mikey thought it was pretty cool but again I don't think Thorin had time to absorb all the coolness and fun that was surrounding him :) It was awesome to see the three kids going on rides together without me or Darren and having fun.

We then moved onto the DC Comic area to have lunch at Johnny Rockets which worked out really well. We bought all our tickets, parking and meals online so I just needed to show the paper and got our family meal of burgers, fries and onion rings. I don't know if it's because it was an online order but the food came out much, much faster than the chicken strips that I added on and the meals that other people were waiting for. I ended up waiting probably 10 minutes extra for the chicken. I think next time I'll just buy everything online.

After lunch we were reminded for the millionth time by Mikey that we needed to find the superheros. Because we were in the DC Comics area we figured we'd see them there but nope....they were on the other side of the park. We also found out that the park keeps their Heros and Villains separate so there's no fights. As we headed to the water park we happened upon the tent where the villains would be but at the time it was Scooby and Scrappy Doo, not to exciting for our group so we moved on.

The water park was awesome! Honor and Mikey really had a great time and I think next time we should go with friends and rent a cabana! It's great that they have so many life guards and also make everyone take "safety breaks" so no one gets too tired from playing in the water too much. Another thing that made the waterpark awesome was they have a ton of life-jackets just hanging on coat racks everywhere around the park so if someone needs one you just grab it, put it on and head for the water.

After the water park we headed back thinking it was time to go home but on the way by the tent where Scooby was we now saw Joker and Cheetah were posing for pictures. Honor got on her cape (Mikey didn't have one yet) and the two of them posed with the Villains. It was such a great picture I had to buy it! And now we were on the hunt for the Heros because the day wouldn't have been complete if Mikey didn't see at least one Superhero.

Of course we had to get Mikey a Superman cape and got Thorin a Batman one and headed on our way to find some superheros. We stopped at the Houdini ride which was cool but not for anyone who gets motion sickness! Honor had a rough time but just closed her eyes and made it through. While Mimi, Delaney and I took a rest Darren took Honor, Mikey and Thorin to find the elusive heros. A few minutes Mikey came running up the hill looking very excited....he saw Flash and the Green Lantern!! Darren gave me the ticket for the picture and told me I had to go check it out. Of course it was another keeper and a great end to the day.

Thanks to Mimi for getting the tickets, we'll definitely be back!

Thorin is 2!

He's just a little tiny bit obsessed. This was the picture I took for his card that I sent to "Sprout" for his birthday. The kids were so excited that the card made it onto "The Sunny Side Up Show" we recorded it and showed it to everyone who came through the front door. Very exciting except they pronounced Delaney's name Delancey and it really, really bugged Honor...oh well.

Elmo made an appearance at the party, amazingly he only terrified one of the kids. I'm not too Thorin's completely thrilled to see him either, he seems a bit unsure here.

We rented a bouncy house from Magic World in Shrewsbury and since we picked the "Elmo" one they gave us the costume for free. Pretty good deal and couldn't pass up the opportunity to make some poor soul (in this case Darren) put on a costume and terrorize the children.

Overall it was a fantastic party. It rained most of the day but cleared up just long enough for the kids to eat cotton candy (we rented a cotton candy machine too), have some cake and go jump in the bouncy house. I can't thank our friend, Mike, enough for coming equiped with balloon animals to keep the kids excited and entertained while it was raining. Also our friend, Andrea, made an unbelievable Thomas the Tank Engine cake.....it was perfect and oh, so delicious!Great food, Great friends and Great fun sums up Thorin's Carnival! Happy #2 "Big Guy!"

Thorin starts Early Intervention

So it never occurred to me that Thorin was delayed in any way until we went to his 18 month appointment. When his pedi asked if he had 20 or more words or can say 2 word "sentences" it hit me.....nope! Was he supposed to? You forget what milestones come at what time and also I've learned that every child is different so I figured he's just a "late-bloomer."

Now, though, it's gotten to the point that we're frustrated with him not being able to tell us when something bothers him or telling us what he wants. He is also getting very frustrated with not being able to tell us and this often results in him crying, screaming and having full on tantrums.

We were contacted by Early Intervention letting us know that they were going to come out and evaluate Thorin and that he had to have a significant delay for them to accept him into the program. A speech therapist, a child psychologist and child development specialist came to "play" with Thorin back in May and were impressed with him in every area but expressive speech. He scored on target or above target for motor skills (gross and fine) and comprehension but for expressive speech he scored at an 8 month level. That definitely was a huge delay and he was accepted into the program with no questions.

Since he started the program we've had a speech therapist come every week to the house and work with him. We also go to group sessions every week for him to play with kids his age who also have speech issues. This has really been a big help with introducing sign language and reinforcing the use of signing. It's helped him realize he can use his hands to get his point across and slightly eased the frustration level.

He's made slight progress with speech and we are still not sure the root of the problem. We have been referred to an Occupational Therapist, a doctor who specializes in Child Development and an audiologist at UMASS. We still have yet to have his hearing thoroughly tested but have been told by many specialist that this needs to happen. He obviously can hear but the question is whether he is hearing everything. I have wondered this a little bit lately since it almost seems the noises and words he says sometimes reminds me of how a deaf person talks, just slightly off because that's how they hear it.

The other possibility is he has something called "Apraxia." This is where the speech center in the brain is disconnected from the motor center of the brain. So the brain knows what it wants to say but doesn't know how to say it. If this is the issue he'll just need to figure out another way to train his brain to make the sounds he wants. This will result in him having to really think about what he wants to say and how to say it and a lot of patience on our part.

The strange part of all this is he doesn't use the left side of his mouth very much. The OT had come to see him last week to check him out and make sure there weren't other issues going on with him. She concluded what everyone else has, that he's on target or above the target age for motor skills and that there is no left sided weakness anywhere on his body except his mouth. She suggested that we do anything we can to stimulate his left side....electric toothbrush on the inside and outside of his cheek, warm and cold washcloths, putting crackers on his left side so he's forced to chew on that side or use his tongue to get it over to the right. He's really taken to the electric toothbrush because of course I went out and got him a Thomas the Tank Engine one which he calls "Mroom Mroom." He's also started to make a few more sounds that use the tongue, especially "lalalalalalala"

After today's session his therapist proposed we have her come twice a week. Thorin's been making progress but it has been pretty slow. So this means now 3x's a week we'll be doing some sort of therapy with him and hopefully it will make more of a difference. We also may have to bring him to Waltham to a program run by Boston's Childrens Hospital which does more intensive therapy with children who have significant speech delays and also apraxia. At the end of July we will finally have his hearing checked and that will hopefully give us more answers or at least cross another thing off the list.

Delaney's Birth Story

I've been sitting here for the past few minutes trying to figure out how to start this story. I don't want to be one of those women who talks about their horrible birth story, dwelling on the bad, on the "could-haves" and "should-haves." I'm putting this on the blog for myself, for those who are curious, for those who have been through something similar. I want to be able to look back in the future and remember those parts of her birth that mothers simply forget. I'm already starting to forget so I better get this going!

I should start on March 6th when I went to Labor and Delivery at St. Vincent's because I wasn't feeling right and had been having lots of pressure. I also had scared myself by using my doppler earlier that day to check on our baby girl and noticed a skip in her heartbeat. After getting there and being hooked up to the monitors they heard the skipping but said it was fine...abnormalities like that usually fix themselves. I was having contractions but nothing regular and was only about 2 cm. The doctor also said the baby's head was no in position, she was still pretty high. But the bigger problem now was my blood pressure. It had been so good throughout the pregnancy but now was starting to creep up. They made me stay overnight to do a 24 hour urine and blood tests to make sure it wasn't preeclampsia. All tests turned out normal and I was discharged on Sunday told to take it easy but put on Aldomet to bring the bp down.

The next week (and also weeks prior) I had a ton of help from my mom and Darren with the kids and household stuff. I took it easy but by Sunday the 14th contractions started coming every 3-5 minutes but for some reason I didn't feel it was time to go. Even when Darren seemed to get a bit worried I remember saying "If this was any of the other pregnancies we would've been at the hospital by now." I don't know if it was me being more relaxed, I've already been through labor before and know what to expect! I didn't feel pressure and uncomfortable in the right places but didn't think anything was wrong, just that it wasn't time yet. We had already decided we weren't going to have a homebirth at this point because she was most likely coming early, but also with the blood pressure issues and uncertainty I was feeling we set off to the hospital that afternoon.

I spent the day being monitored and checked to see how I was progressing. Because I was only 35 weeks and 6 days at this point they couldn't help my labor along but also wouldn't do anything to stop it. The doctor kept saying the baby's head was still high and I was only about 3 cm so they let me get up and move around, even take a walk around L&D. I had asked at all my prenatal appointments since about 32 weeks if the baby was head down and the doctors and midwives I had seen all told me yes, that she was indeed head down. So of course at this point I thought there was nothing to worry about that I just needed to work on telling my body to get her where she needs to be if she was ready to come out.

The contractions had slowed down, they were almost non existent by Monday morning. The doctor came in again to check me and found that I was 5 cm, the bag of water was bulging and baby's head was still very high. He decided it was ok to discharge me since they couldn't break my water, my contractions had stopped and she wasn't in position. Once we started heading home the contractions started again and were getting stronger, all I kept saying to myself was please don't let my water break in the car! That's a mess I wouldn't want to clean up!! So we made it home and I was progressing further and further into "transition." I am very familiar with the panic, doubtful feeling of not being able to handle this, and the thought of losing control when getting into active labor. Darren will tell you this is also the point that I get very quiet and almost meditative and need my birth ball! When we got home, I had to get down on my knees and half lay on the ball because the pressure on my hips and back was almost unbearable. I had Darren put pressure, a lot of pressure, on the small of my back and this worked for a while until he needed to take a potty break. Figures this was the pressure wave that did the trick! My water broke (first time that it had broken on it's own!) and it wasn't a trickle, it was a full on waterfall of fluid which surprised me. I figured there was so much fluid because her head was still high so there was no "plug" to stop or slow it down. I yelled to Darren that I needed him RIGHT NOW and bring towels, lots of towels! He then got on the phone to call Mimie so we could head back to the hospital about 2 hours after we had been discharged.

Now back at the hospital the midwife on call, Marianne Pelletier, checked me and was the first person to question if what she was feeling was actually a head. At this point I don't remember how dilated I was all I heard was that they needed to get the ultrasound machine in here and find out what position the baby was in. Marianne started looking on the screen and moving the probe around my belly. Nothing we saw on the screen looked anything like a head. I remember seeing her spine which was horizontal but it didn't sink in at that point. Marianne was having so much trouble she asked the nurse to go get the doctor on call. Dr. Nabizadeh came in, searched around for a minute and found out the head of our baby was nestled comfortably next to the placenta on my right side and her feet were all the way over on my left and her shoulder was what all the doctors had thought was her head. Yup, that's right....she was sideways! Immediately the doctor said she would try to flip the baby but there was only a slim chance this would work. I was praying and telling my body and the baby to please let this work! I did not want to face the consequence of her being sideways. There was hardly any fluid left to help cushion her and because her head was against the placenta like a pillow it would be tough to move her. It didn't work. I thank Dr. Nabizadeh for giving it her best try and for taking the time to sit and talk to us after letting me have a few minutes of bawling my eyes out. So we were left with only 1 option, a c-section.

Everyone who knows me knows that this has always been my biggest fear, to have to deliver one of my babies by c-section. It's such an amazing experience to birth your child in control, full of feeling and natural highs that your body intended. After going through an epidural with my first and having headaches, pain from a very large tear because of pushing too hard and pelvic pain from being in a bad position while pushing with no sensation, I knew the least amount of interventions was the best way to give birth. Believing in your body and the process of birthing the most amazing experience a woman can experience and have as her own. I think natural birth is incredible and an experience that belongs to the mother and baby, it's such an intimate moment that no other person can understand because it belong to you and only you. Amazing! Oh, and recovery time....maybe a day or 2!

Now comes the details of my experience. I feel so thankful and blessed that things seemed to fall into place on Monday March 15th. The "what-ifs" and the "could-haves" and "should-haves" have their place looking back but thanks to Marianne and Dr. Nabizadeh our baby girl is healthy and I'm still in one piece. For those who don't want to read all the details I'll leave lots of space so you don't have to read things that could be disturbing to you.

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We had to wait until 5pm on Monday to have the c-section because that morning I ate a breakfast sandwich on our way home from being discharged. The anesthesiologist was being overly cautious and wanted to hold off for 8 hours from when I ate just in case I needed general anesthesia. This would turn out to be a good idea on his part. Also L&D was packed and all but 2 moms were jockeying for position to have their c-sections too. I was still progressing, contractions were still very strong but spaced out. The doctors and nurses didn't know this because the contractions weren't showing up on the monitor. By the time 5:oo came around I was already 10 cm, fully effaced (which finally seemed to concern the nurses) and my body probably would've been trying to push her out involuntarily very soon. I'd experienced that with Thorin, I let my body decide when to push and it came to a point when I could no longer stay in control and my body took over. Good thing because it;s tough to get a baby out shoulder first!

I was wheeled into the OR without Darren, scared to death, shaking and freezing cold. Everything goes so quick once in there. I was moved over to the operating table, sat up and they started injecting the lidocaine and then the spinal medicine that numbs from the chest down. It really does take effect almost immediately, within seconds I could feel nothing below my chest and my whole body felt warm like floating in a warm tub of water. The blue shroud was put up so I couldn't see anything and finally Darren came in. They started making the incision and I really don't remember feeling much pressure as they were moving her around trying to get her out. I know they were pushing and pulling really hard because I had the sense of my body being rocked and pulled as they were trying to get her out. We had previously asked to delay the cord clamping to give her the best chance of not going to the NICU and they said they would as long as everything went fine. Well, nothing went fine. Once Dr. Nabizadeh got to the baby she found the cord was wrapped around her neck, body, arm and shoulder. Her poor little shoulder and arm was very bruised and swollen from being squeezed by the cord that they were afraid it was dislocated or broken. Luckily after an x-ray the next day we found out it was fine. I don't remember hearing her cry but I'm pretty sure I must have because I do remember tearing up and hearing them say she was born at 5:19pm and she was 5 lbs 13 oz.

I remember my chest feeling very heavy at this point and having to remind myself to breathe. The anesthesiologist asked me how I was doing, if I was ok and I nodded my head because I WAS ok....my daughter was born, she was over 5 lbs, breathing on her own and doing well. I remember him asking Dr. Nabizadeh how much longer. "About 5 minutes," she said. Just as she said that I began regaining feeling, the spinal was wearing off! Come to find out they had not even finished stitching up my uterus yet. I was beginning to feel everything! I can't even begin to explain all the extremely painful sensations I was feeling. I thought if it was only a few minutes I could handle this. I knew they couldn't give me another spinal and the next step was general anesthesia and I'd have to be intubated. I tried to endure the blinding, mind-numbing pain as long as possible, I have no idea how long it really was. They gave me a dose of fentanyl which dulled the pain for a bit and I heard them call for 2 units of blood. They also called in another surgeon. They gave me another dose of fentanyl and heard the doctor saying that each time she went to stitch my uterus it would tear and bleed....a lot. Now things were getting so unbearable for me and I knew the anesthesiologist saw it in my face. He told me they were going to put me under and I nodded with tears in my eyes not knowing what would happen next but there would be no pain. They asked Darren to leave as they put the mask on my face. I remember in that minute before I passed out I was thinking I was going to need a blood transfusion and might wake up to find they couldn't save my uterus. I've never been under general anesthesia before and couldn't believe how quick everything seemed. Seconds after they put the mask on me I remember nothing and it felt like not even a moment later I was waking up and they were wheeling me back to the room.

Not until I saw Darren did I find out I was in the OR for about 2 hours! They needed 2 surgeons working on each end to stitch me up because the way my uterus had not stretched correctly. I had 6 layers of sutures instead of the 1 or maybe 2 layers for a normal c-section. Dr. Nabizedah had equated stitching me up to stitching up a hamburger! I was apparently a very interesting case. I didn't end up needing any blood although I kind of wish I did. I had lost significant amount but my blood work came back ok. I think I would have felt better in the next few hours/days if I had gotten at least 1 unit. But of course hind sight is 20/20 right?

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I don't remember much of the next 24 hours. I do remember really, really liking the button that made the pain go away. Darren was trying to be a helpful husband and hit my button when I was too delirious to remember until the pain reminded me really fast! One of the nurses caught him with my button and she made sure he never touched that button again. I thought it was very helpful having him pay attention to my button but now it was all up to me.

I felt like such a bad mom not asking about our baby, I don't know how long it was before I asked but Darren said she was doing great! I'm also not sure how long before I got to see her but when I did I couldn't believe how perfect she was! So tiny but so amazingly perfect. I try not to think of all the things that could have gone wrong or could have gone differently during this pregnancy and birth. I'm just amazed every day how blessed we are and how thankful I am for all my babies no matter how they made it into the world.

Now for the name....it was Darren's turn to name the baby. I just knew I wanted Maisey and Evelyn in there somewhere for Darren's Aunt Maizie and my grandmother. Darren used an astrological chart (I forget the name of it) that tells what letters a child's name should contain depending on birth day and time. The chart stated her name should begin with "Di" or "De." We spent probably a day and a half thinking of names since none of the ones we had picked before were right for her. Then a name popped in my head that seemed right....Delaney. Perfect! Darren loved it and it really does fit her so well.

So there it is, how Delaney Maisey Evelyn Selador Slocum made her entrance into this world!

Thorin + electric toothbrush

Delaney just didn't want to wake up this morning

the rain is finally letting up at silver lake dam

"Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." – Albert Einstein

The crew - http://ping.fm/zdx0v

Announcing Delaney Maisey Evelyn Selador Slocum http://ping.fm/VqPLM

heading into the or

Baby Girl Slocum

So Darren caved in since he knows how well I can keep a secret! The ultrasound tech told me she was very certain she could tell if the baby was a boy or girl and whether I wanted to know....Yup! I want to know! It's a Girl! And then of course I couldn't keep it from Darren.

So here she is, folded in half! Her head is down and legs up in the air! The ultrasound tech and everyone else was so surprised at the strange positions the baby kept going into....she really liked being upside down with her head back and arm over her face with legs crossed. Not a great position for pictures. We did do the 3D pictures but I actually think they're a little tougher to make out. I will post one anyway because they are pretty cool.

This is one of the better pictures of her face. you can make out eyes, nose and open mouth. I think she looks a bit like a muppet!

So as you can guess Honor's very excited about not being out numbered any more! She didn't realize that we knew the baby was a girl until hours later. I asked her how excited she was knowing that she was going to have a baby sister? Her reaction...."Really, Mommy really? You know she really a girl? Can I dress her in my pretty dresses? She can share my room with me, it's ok!" Mikey's reaction...."No! The baby's a boy! You don't dress boys in dresses!" I think he'll be fine once she's really here! :)

Newest addition.....our Guinea Fowl

I forgot to mention lots of stuff in my previous post but one big thing is the addition of our Guinea Fowl! We were thinking about chickens for a long, long time but finally decided on Guineas. The main reason is you can let them roam on their own and they'll eat bugs, ticks, weeds, pretty much all the stuff you don't want and they won't scratch up the yard and garden like chickens do. Also they don't need a "chicken coop" so they're much easier to setup for and take care of in my opinion than chickens are.
We got our original 6 in July from a really nice guy in CT. I went just to look and ended up bringing home 6 adorable little "keets." We kept them upstairs in the guest bedroom until they were ready to go outside, well, as soon as they started to fly out of the box I figured it was time for them to move outside! Unfortunately I learned my lesson with leting them go out roaming alone too early since we lost a few and then lost more that were scared to death by Shadow. We still have 2 of the original 6 who I call the "Bosom Buddies." Now that they're grown up we know theres a male and female.
I went back to Dick, the guy in CT, in August to pick up 12 more keets and was excited to get 4 different colors! We now have pearl (which is the black and white speckled that you usually see), pied (blk and wht with white wings), lavendar (light blue/gray) and cream (white with a little brown). We've actually lost a few of the 12 also, they've flown off for some reason and never came back. So we now have 12 all together who have done great staying in a flock and cleaning up the stabels of spiders, ants and beetles! I'm really enjoying them coming into their "voices." You really can't tell the difference between males and females until they begin calling. That's how we're certain we have a female because she's always calling and making a ruckus....I'm pretty sure she's the leader of the group.
I'm hoping to have eggs soon and start my own breeding program so let me know if you want some guinea fowl to clean up your yard and supply endless entertainment!! :)

The shortest summer ever!

I don't even know where the summer went! How did we go from June straight to September in a blink of an eye? There's so, so much to catch up on! ...and I just have to note before I go any further that our wonderful neighbors the Bouviers just (as I'm typing this) brought over a basket of the most delicious cookies I've had in a while! I think we'll definitely have them do our taxes this year! :)

So now back to remembering what we did this summer.....

STORYLAND! and SANTA'S VILLIAGE!

This was the first time that we really went on a family vacation. We took a ton of videos and have them up on YouTube if anyone's interested. The kids had such a great time and we did too especially because it was a crappy weekend weather-wise. This ment there were much less people there and the kids didn't have to wait in line too long and could go around multiple times. Not a good lesson in patience but at least it made for a more enjoyable time I think....and it was fun to dash through the puddles and down pours too!

Honor's favorite: the rollercoaster (especially the one at Santa's Village that she and Sarah rode at least 2 dozen times and I'm not exaggerating!!)

Mikey's favorite: the pool at "Sarah's house" (he thought the hotel was Sarah's house!) and the ball place (Loopy Lab at Storyland)

Thorin's favorite: eating and the Loopy Lab

Mommy's favorite: going on vacation with her family and one of her oldest and best friends and her family....thanks Stacy and Lou, it was such a great time with you guys!

Daddy's favorite: Seeing Honor swim for the first time on her own (well, with a "floaty" suit but with no one holding on to her!)



Next on the list is THORIN'S 1st BIRTHDAY!!

It was a year ago on 7/8/08 that we rushed to St. V's just in time to enjoy Thorin Nova Alanson exploding into the world! And then our big surprise that he was a boy when I was so sure he was a girl! I had even brought dresses and pink things to the hospital with us and Mimie had to run out and get him an outfit to go home in!
His party was pretty low-key. We had relatives and close friends come celebrate and enjoy the nice weather with us outside. It's nice to have the house to celebrate in and I'll always remember how many years we've been in the house since we moved in just days before Thorin was born!
I love watching Thorin grow into his personality and watching all the kids interacting with each other. Yes, sometimes it's tough having kids who are 21months and 18months apart but I wouldn't change a thing. Thorin's huge smiles and big belly laughs light up our world. He's so observant of what everyone's doing, especially his big brother and sister. I love that he learns more from them than from me and Darren sometimes....even if it things he really shouldn't do yet, at least he has lots of teachers to show him the right way.

BABY NEWS

We found out in August that we're expecting again! This obviously has made me excited and nervous! We are again planning a home birth and things have been going great so far. I'm so happy that I bought a doppler last pregnancy so I'm able to keep a close "ear" on the baby and be reassured that everything is fine. We had an ultrasound at 11 weeks and saw a perfect, healthy little baby with a great heartbeat which made my nerves settle a bit. We also have sailed past the point where we lost Miriam so I'm again more at ease. I know we're not out of the woods until this little one makes it's entrance into the world but at 15 weeks I've actually been feeling little kicks and it's the best feeling in the world!! Honor's of course hoping this is a girl, she really, really, really wants a little sister! I hope so too and I'd like to find out but Darren wants it keep it a surprise. I'm hoping to convince him into doing a 3D ultrasound since this will be our last (yes, 4 is enough!) and it would be really cool since we've never had a 3D one done before! Or we'll just have to wait and meet him or her in person in March/April 2010.

Bootcamp catch up

So week 2 was much better than week 1 for me. I was wondering if I didn't push myself enough the second time around. After the first Saturday I was hurting until Wednesday but the second Saturday I was barely sore. So this past Saturday (#3) I pushed a bit more and really pushed myself on the hill sprints! I felt I really worked hard but I'm still didn't feel it the next day. Good or bad I'm not sure. There's been talk about adding another "bootcamp" day on Wednesdays. I really hope this works out for some of the ladies because I'd love to get together with them twice a week and really kick my butt into shape! I still need to get a bathroom scale because I have no idea if I've lost any weight. I do know that I feel much better! I'm not as stiff in the morning and don't feel winded going from the basement up to the top floor anymore! Also I'm pretty sure it's helping my back, but we'll have to see what the chiropractor says when I finally make an appointment!

Tiny Dancers

Honor had her first dance class today. I signed her up for 2 classes at the Y so she'd have something going on while school's out. Today was her first "Tiny Dancers" class which went very well! There are only 2 other girls in the class so no one's too overwhelmed. It was cute, they just worked on skipping and walking on tip toes, doing the hokey pokey and the YMCA! Honor did have a little issue with the "freestyle" dancing at the end....all the girls started jumping at first when the music started and I guess Honor thought that's what she was supposed to do and kept doing it while the other girls started doing their own thing. Well, after a few minutes of just jumping she started getting tired but didn't know what to do so she started crying. The teacher was great about it, she told Honor she was doing an awesome job and could dance how ever she wanted that she didn't have to only jump. Then the girls got some pictures to color for next week...a ballet dancer and Strawberry Shortcake. On Friday she gets to go to a different dance class with her friend, Kaitlyn. It'll be great to see them in class together...Honor thought Katie would be there today and was a bit disappointed but it'll make it even more exciting for her on Friday!
Luckily Mikey was enjoying watching the girls dancing and Thorin was happy with eating snacks during class. We did go out to the lobby for a bit and watched people swimming in the pool, the 45 minutes seemed to go by pretty fast! I wish they had something for Mikey to do but there isn't much for 2 year olds except play in the tunnels (which don't open until 10:30 and the class is at 10am)
I'm surprised Thorin was fine with sitting in the stroller since he's all about walking now! He's gotten pretty steady on his feet but his mind goes faster than his feet. It must be tough watching our brother and sister running past you and your little feet don't work together to get you there in time before Honor and Mikey turn in another direction and go past you again! I'm not sure though which he like more right now....walking or eating! We started calling him "Baby-zilla" this weekend since that's what he looks like holding food while trying to walk!

Bootcamp and other such things

First off I have to say I've been trying to finish this post and get it on the blog for about 4 days! Pathetic! I really need to take a little more time and finish a post sooner than that! Anyway....
YAY Bootcamp! I'm really excited that my friend Amy has started a boot camp on Saturday mornings. Nothing better than a friend who's lost a bunch of weight and gotten her life back on track whipping your butt into shape at 7:30am on Saturday for 12 weeks! I'm really going full speed into shaping up before getting pregnant again and also just to be healthier for myself and the kids. Of course moms always say I'm doing it for the kids, and of course I want to be more actively involved and be able to always run and play with them more. I'm also doing it for myself and feeling better about myself. My goal is to wear a size that doesn't have an "X" in it. It'll be very satisfying to be able to wak into almost any clothes store and fit into clothes there.
I'm also still having a conflict with myself as to what I want to do when I grow up. I recently started reading "Birthing from Within" by Pam English. I know all of you NCBers (natural child birthers) are wondering what took me so long but I just never make the time to read. It has yet again lit the flame inside of me that I need to reach out to women and help them to discover what they're capable of and that there are other choices for themselves and their babies. I'm just still trying to figure out what the best role is for me...doula? monitrice? child birth educator? go all the way and become a CPM? still not sure.....
I recently went to see an OBGYN after the miscarriage and was pleasantly surprised when he didn't treat me as a leper because I was planning and still planning on having a home birth. He checked everything out and said I'm pretty much back to normal. He wants us to wait at least 3 months before trying again to let my body and hormones regulate. I really liked him and actually felt like I was talking to a partner in my health and pregnancy rather than a dictator telling me how it is and how it's going to be.
So now I'm off to the bike trail with the kids to burn a few more calories. I really need to get a bathroom scale so I can track how much I've lost.

Planting the Plum Tree

Finding a place for a tree that needs full sun isn't that easy in our yard. We finally decided where the perfect place would be and we were actually thinking of taking out a big rock and putting the tree in it's place. Well....easier said than done! The rock was more like a glacier, there was a little bit sticking up above the grass but there was a heck of a lot more below the surface! I have no idea how long I was digging out the stupid rock and the hole kept getting wider and wider. I decided it would be nice to have a big rock NEXT to the tree instead.
I really didn't get too emotional digging the hole until I started thinking why I was digging it. It's a strange combination of emotions. What do you do when you're filled with sadness, remorse, doubt, disappointment, but then relief, hopefulness, peacefulness, thankfulness, and the feeling that we're blessed to have what we have and be able to learn and grow from all this? I'm still trying to sort it all out not that I think I ever will.
So now we have a pretty little plum tree with a rock next to it and lots of dirt surrounding both of them. I think I'll plant some flowers around it and just wait for the plums to start growing! I told Miriam that she needs to watch over the tree and us and she'll love seeing her brothers and sister picking the plums year after year. Thankfully the tree is self pollinating so we should have no problem getting lots of plums year after year.
I wanted to send out a big Thank You to everyone who has sent cards, well wishes and gifts to us. Honor and Mikey think it's my birthday, we'll go with that. Also a personal "Thank You" to all the women who have opened up to me about your losses, it's a sucky "club" to be in but I'm glad to know many of you have gone on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies. Thank You.

Our new plum tree

** Warning, this post contains some information about my miscarriage that not everyone will want to read. If you'd like to skip through the explicit info and find out about the plum tree scroll to the section with the blue font.
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All weekend I've been telling my body it's ok to let go. We decided if we had to go through a procedure, either being induced or have a D & C, we both agreed that the best way for us was the D & C. I've been dreading Tuesday, knowing that it would be the day I'd have to make a call to an unfamiliar OB to schedule the procedure. My previous OB left the practice to just be a baby catcher and not see patients on a regular basis and since I had a midwife this time around (...Joyce, you're amazing!!) I was not affiliated with OB at all. So needless to say I was hoping all weekend that my body would listen and let go.
It all started at 4:00 am Monday morning. I went to get Thorin from his crib as usual and let him sleep the rest of the morning in our bed. After I gave him a little bit of milk and he fell back asleep I began to feel very crampy. I went downstairs to get some Motrin and drink some water as the pain kept increasing. I was afraid to go back up the stairs at this point so I stayed in the first floor bathroom. I'd say I was in "labor" for about 20 minutes. At about 4:30 am the amniotic sac, baby and placenta all passed together along with plenty of blood. It was a bit scary, I knew there would be blood but I never really thought of how everything would actually come out. After going through a few births you know the water breaks and the baby comes out (or in Thorin's case the bag of water explodes as he comes bursting out into the world) and then comes the placenta. I wasn't exactly imagining that it would all come together at once but after thinking about it and seeing it of course it makes sense. I'm so lucky things happened relatively normally and I have not had excessive bleeding or large blood clots. I was thinking at the end of it all that even though this ended in a miscarriage I still had a quiet, uneventful, peaceful home birth.
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I finally went back upstairs to tell Darren that my body had listened and the baby came around 4:30 am. We sat on the couch, cuddled and waited for my body to relax so I could finally go back to sleep. I slept amazingly well and felt better when I woke up than I did in the past few months. I guess my body really didn't agree with this pregnancy and of course things happen for a reason even if we don't agree with the outcome at the moment.
So the question is what do we do now? We decided the best and most sentimental thing was to plant a tree. Some people plant a placenta tree after the baby's born but in this case I'm sure I don't have to say. We agreed the baby's a girl (not that we could tell at this point but we didn't look either) and named her Miriam Daisy Breathe (everyone had a part in that, even Honor). We went out to Perrault's Nursey in Grafton and bought her (and us) a plum tree. She'll be an intregal part of this special tree and will watch over it and us. I really feel at peace with all that happened and like I said earlier....I'm glad that it ended the way it did and I still had a peaceful, quiet, uneventful home birth.

Trying to sort through the emotions

Most of you already know but I'm sure there are many out there who have not heard the news yet. We just found out on May 22 that we lost the baby. We went for the ultrasound at 1:40pm on Friday after meeting with our midwife the night before. She could not find the heart beat with her doppler just as I had been having a hard time for about 2-3 weeks so she scheduled an ultrasound for us. I had a feeling things weren't right but thought maybe the baby's hiding or it's measuring small and that's why I don't feel anything. I should have been 17 weeks at this point but found out at the ultrasound that the baby only measured 13 weeks 5 days.
There are so many questions that run through your head at this point...could I have done more? If I only scheduled an ultrasound when I first thought something might be wrong. Did I eat or drink something that caused some harm? Was I taking enough vitamins? Was I taking too many vitamins? Is the well water at the new house safe? Is there some underlying illness that caused it? When I had my kidney infection could that have done some damage?
Who knows. The fact that the baby was so perfect on the ultrasound, lying there so still with a perfect little head and tiny little hands and feet broke my heart and I know Darren felt the same way. Why after 3 perfect babies and relatively uncomplicated pregnancies and births did this happen?
I think Darren and I have accepted the outcome and are sort of glad that it happened at this point in the pregnancy. I'm not looking forward to the next step since my body has not taken care of things on it's own. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I was further along.
All I can say at this point is we're going to try again and I'm going to take much better care of myself and family and not take anything for granted. Right now I feel like my body's been chewed up by a hippo (aches and cramps rather than sharp pains if it was a mountain lion) and hung up on a clothes line for days. But as soon as things regulate and I start to feel more normal I'm going to work to make things better for me and those around me. I never want to have to go through this again!
Thank you so much to all that have sent well wishes, thoughts and prayers to us. It means more than you know!